Tuesday 14 June 2011

Jethro's Story

Life is a journey. Sometimes we take part of that journey against our will.
Our journey is begun for us by those who conceived us. Later on down the track
we continue it ourselves. The choices and decisions we make determine where
we are and who we are today.

My journey had been one that had made me the person I was, based on the decisions I had made and the experiences I had been through.

But then I became pregnant, and for 9 months I shared an intimate journey with
my son Jethro.

From the very beginning, he was determined to stay around. HE SEEMED TO HAVE A
STORY TO TELL. He was conceived, even though it wasn't the right time of month,
he decided to stick even when I bled really heavily for the first 6 weeks.
Then we went for our 20 week scan where we were told the Jethro was probably
missing his lower jaw and had a kink in his spine, He also had a very small
stomach which ment he probably wasn't swallowing, and could possibly have
trouble breathing when he was born. We could have ended his journey then. We
briefly considered it. Coming home from the scan where we had said "NO" to
a termination, we said."Should we?" And when I considered it again myself
out loud, my little boy, only 20 weeks old gave me the biggest kick in the
gut - and I knew HE had an opinion too. He wanted to stay around, and we
knew we had to continue.

Jethro had an amazing time within me - he had a HUGE swimming pool to move
around in, which he definitely made the most of. By the end of my pregnancy
I was equivalent to someone carrying full term with triplets. When my waters
broke 10 litres of fluid were released instead of the normal 1 to 2.

Every scan we had after that initial one, we tried to see his chin and his mouth. But every time without fail, Jethro tried to cover it up. He either had one
or both his hands covering it up. He was even born with his hand in his mouth,
as if he had a secret. We loved this about his personality, Almost as if to
say, "DON'T JUDGE ME BY THIS ONE THING. I AM MUCH MORE THAN THAT. CAN YOU
SEE ME?" We loved this delightful side of his personality. Jethro knew he
was loved and wanted.

I was so SAD to say goodbye to my baby boy, who I had such dreams for. I
wanted to believe the scans were wrong. and I truly believed Jesus could
heal my son - but He didn't in the WAY I was hoping. When Jethro was born,
I was glad that he didn't have to attempt to breath outside my womb - to see
him struggle and fight to stay alive would have been heartbreaking. I am so
GRATEFUL the decision was taken from us - and he was at peace.

This journey has been long and difficult in a whole lot of ways, but I have
learned so much from being Jethro's Mum. I HAVE LEARNED TO LOVE MORE
INTIMATELY THAN EVER BEFORE, AND I KNOW TOO, HOW VERY MUCH I AM LOVED. I
have learned to accept difficult situations. I have asked "WHY" Why is
this happening to us? Why would God allow it to happen? BUT MY TRUST
IN GOD HAS NEVER WAVERED. I have learned to care more deeply than ever
before, and through my own suffering, I can empathize and care for and
begin to recognize the suffering in others. God is growing in me more
tolerance, respect, empathy and more intimate love. AND I AM GRATEFUL.

It was a long and difficult 20 weeks. I thought the end would never come.
But it did and it is over. And I am so relieved. Even though it was
incredibly hard and sad, I feel so blessed to have carried him for
over 39 weeks and we had him for as long as we did
AND I KNOW HE IS IN HEAVEN. AND I KNOW I WILL SEE HIM AGAIN

Jethro has a story to tell, and now you are part of that story, and my
hope is that you might keep his story in your heart, and share it with
those who need to hear it.

Love Misty.

1 comment:

  1. This is the story that moved me so much when it was shared at Revamp... I cried and cried.
    Inspiring, Misty. Thankyou for sharing it again.
    HUGS
    xx

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